I’d much rather be dressed up as a clown, complete with the red nose, oversized shoes, full face paint, and handing out balloons to kids all day than suffer through the agony of attending an upscale cocktail party. And before you ask, I’m not grappling with social anxiety, nor am I living like a recluse. In fact, I’m quite the extrovert and I thrive at parties. So, what’s the catch, you may wonder? It’s an unexpected culprit – my feet. For the past three decades, they’ve been my relentless tormentors, transforming every step into a torturous journey over hot coals. I even have a wheelchair tucked away in my shed, once used for museum outings or standing-room-only events. Today, it’s in our shed, gathering cobwebs. I’ve simply resorted to dodging situations that demand prolonged standing or involve terrain rougher than a football field. That, my friends, is a whole lot of avoidance.
The Trigger
So, when Executive Life Coach, Arda Ozdemir, approached me about a “LIVE” session showcasing his POWER method, I eagerly accepted the challenge. When he asked about a trigger, a situation causing an emotional reaction, I went straight to the embarrassment I experience when I feel different and out of place, like at fancy cocktail parties where standing for long periods is obligatory. Let’s just say my tolerance for standing is about 10 minutes before my feet start sending SOS signals demanding respite. Between you and me, my size 11 men’s extra-wide athletic shoes are far from a fashion statement at swanky soirees. I feel judged from the moment I shlump in wearing orthopedic Velcro sneakers until I blissfully waltz out the door.
Bar Tables. No Chairs??
I hoped my coaching session would provide some laugh-out-loud revelations on how to comfortably ignore my invisible disability, without attracting undue attention. It’s not about shyness; it’s about how I grapple with formal situations where people are numerous and chairs are as scarce as water in the desert. When I see a room full of tall bar tables, I want to crumble like a cookie in a messy heap on the floor. What’s the right amusing thing to say to tactfully draw attention to my plight? How do I blend in and distract from my unfashionable footwear? Should I wear clown shoes and pretend I just came from entertaining at a kid’s party? These thoughts swirl in my mind between winces of foot pain. And trust me, it’s not just my wild imagination at play – I have X-rays and doctor’s notes to prove it!
You May Be Crazy!
Am I Crazy?
Over the past 30 years, I’ve consulted with all types of doctors, who, at a loss for words, subtly hint that my pain is all in my head, suggesting I was a hypochondriac, a malingerer. While I do appreciate the limelight, it’s the positive kind I prefer – not the type where people stare at your unfashionable shoes and wonder why you are sitting on the floor. When the medical establishment can’t give a tangible diagnosis, it’s akin to having an imaginary unicorn horn protruding from your forehead. You schedule an appointment with a surgeon, who inspects your noggin with a magnifying glass and insists there’s nothing amiss. Meanwhile, you’re convinced you’re sporting a rhino-sized bone growth. Next thing you know, they’re calling in interns to gawk and reaching for straitjackets, convinced you need psychiatric help for your delusion. When authorities question your sanity, self-doubt, and confusion set in. Maybe I am losing my marbles, I pondered. It’s a profoundly isolating experience that leads to questioning one’s own mental health.
Seismic Shift in 20 Minutes
In that 20-minute coaching event with Arda, my perspective underwent a seismic shift where I was able to see the whole situation from a different vantage point. This wasn’t just about feeling different; it was about the perception of weakness and the fear of not being loved for who I am inside – a person with stylin’ orthopedic shoes! As we delved deeper into my psyche, I unearthed childhood memories that were dictating my behaviors and reactions. I was constantly operating under the constraints of a limiting life script!
As we unpacked this personal trauma and released its grip on my heart, my cloudy view of the past became crystal clear. I thought about my son who was born with a progressive nerve disease. I never once perceived him as weak or fragile. I believed he could conquer the world; I wanted him to know he was capable, invincible, and deeply cherished. Throughout his childhood, my message was clear: go out there and embrace your talents because you are worthy, skilled, and unbeatable. And that’s exactly how he lives his life – unshackled and in the moment.
The Epiphany
During our session, I experienced a remarkable epiphany. I realized I had never fully embraced the philosophy of “you can achieve anything you set your mind to” when it came to myself. I had chosen to ignore the podiatric elephant in the room by pretending to fit a singular vision of “normal.” But the truth is, there’s no universal definition of normal – normal is relative, unique to each individual like a fingerprint. Everyone has quirks that make them distinctive. So rather than masking my pain, I could acknowledge it as an intrinsic part of my identity.
Why was I willing to believe this empowering message wholeheartedly for others but not myself? I had loathed standing out in any way, trying to keep my pesky foot problems under wraps. Year after year, I tiptoed cautiously through life, keeping up an act of perfect health, sidestepping events that put my foot troubles front and center. But most likely, people wouldn’t have judged me as harshly as I imagined. Most would probably respond with empathy and understanding.
Solutions
So how can I reshape my future social butterfly wings? When faced with a chairless situation, Arda and I pondered alternative approaches. Instead of desperately seeking a hidden bench or chair to sink into while blinking back tears, I could try a different strategy. Why not use those precious 10 minutes of standing to initiate a lively conversation about the joys of orthopedic shoes and steer us toward seating? Or better yet, make a preemptive call to the event venue to ensure seating options for those of us with limited standing endurance. Who would decline such a reasonable request? And even if they did, who cares? I’m sure most venues come with chairs and I’d easily find someone else eager to engage in a seated tête-à-tête.
Conclusion
In just 20 minutes, Arda guided me through the POWER process, and it revolutionized my perspective on my foot fiasco. I realized you don’t need to remain trapped in old patterns and stories. With an open mind and a willingness to change habitual behaviors, there are always avenues to bring light and joy into your life. It’s not about the shoes…….it’s all about feeling safe, self-confident, and aware.
Learn More About the POWER Method: www.askarda.com
Learn More about CMT: www.cmtausa.org
